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an up(date) [May. 18th, 2005|09:45 pm]
[measure of hurt |new]
[soundtracks for pain |1979-smashing pumpkins]

hey grrrls.
things had been too hard for me to update for a long time.
i can't find the words for such a long time.
but now i've fund some ladies who empower me and support me so i think i will get through this tough period.
you may have noticed that i have removed myself from several of the communities i was in, this is becuase i feel scared of what all these ther scarred and starved womyn will think of me right now.
i won't lie i'm trying to lose weight becuase this isn't something yu just get over and i haven't stopped hurting myself cuz it's an on-ging battle.
i guess this is my fresh start
tabula rasa
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Cam-whoring. [Jan. 29th, 2005|11:19 pm]
[measure of hurt |amusedamused]
[soundtracks for pain |lucky me-sarah slean]

i know. i know. ugly people shouldn't take pic of themselves but whatever.

Read more...Collapse )
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JOIN. [Jan. 29th, 2005|10:40 pm]
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(no subject) [Jan. 28th, 2005|03:45 pm]
[measure of hurt |boreddead]
[soundtracks for pain |maroon5]

You cut yourself because you are constantly forced
to act like you are someone else. Chances
you're a Borderliner, maybe you're just afraid
of losing people. You try to be what your
friends and family want you to be, so they
won't leave you. And you look like it's the
real you, and you are very good at deceiving
people, but late at night, when you are all
alone, you take all the anger and frustration
out on yourself.

What Kind Of Cutter Are You? (~TrIgGeRiNg~ pics)
brought to you by Quizilla
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The Doll House (character studdies) [Jan. 28th, 2005|02:33 pm]
[measure of hurt |accomplishedaccomplished]
[soundtracks for pain |sonic youth-tunic(song for karen)]

Fig.1 .me. rockstar. revolutionary. riot grrrl. artist. godess. clairvoyant. oracle. mermaid. victim. pariah. faerie. poet. singer. painter. deamon. aesthete. siren. story-teller. doll. martyr. guardian angel. lover. noir. yr suicide. flesh. sex. bones. mystery. puzzles. unicorns. scars. secrets. void.

Fig.2 .Boy. Cherry-Popper. Cheater. decieving sweetness. innocence-stealer. liar. ratty-sneakers. fake-sensitivity. apathy. crush.

Fig.3.Boy #2. True Love. ex ex ex. S-E-X. more lies. pet rat. dependance. decadence. inevyable heart break and mistrust.

Fig.4. Girl. Femme Fetal. SmA. earth-shattering. LOVE. unriquitted. pain. salt rubbed in a wound. not quite here. not quite queer. not quite there. without care. soulmate. dream-date. too my turn. to crash and burn.

Fig.5 .grrrl. grrrlfirend(???). Love(???).......
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little secret. [Jan. 28th, 2005|02:07 pm]
[measure of hurt |artisticconfessional]
[soundtracks for pain |mass romantic-the new pornographers]

it's not really the cuts at two in the morning while sitting bolt-upright in bed
it's getting in the shower the next morning and feeling the water sting against them
the agony is moving beyond words
It is sacrfice, it is nirvana, It is the essence of beauty.
and anyone who has been there knows that.
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On a wave of mutilation [Jan. 28th, 2005|09:24 am]
[measure of hurt |embarrassedembarrassed about my weight]
[soundtracks for pain |here comes yr man-the pixies]

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spider man is having me for dinner tonight [Jan. 27th, 2005|09:16 pm]
[measure of hurt |gloomydelicate]
[soundtracks for pain |sugar water-cibbo matto]

Paranoid:Very High
Schizotypal:Very High
Borderline:Very High
Histrionic:Very High
Narcissistic:Very High
Dependent:Very High

-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! --

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Do the evolution baby [Jan. 27th, 2005|08:12 pm]
[measure of hurt |ecstaticpoweful (lillith and kali)]
[soundtracks for pain |jenifer's body-hole]

Do the Evolution -Pearl Jam

I'm ahead, I'm a man
I'm the first mammal to wear pants, yeah
I'm at peace with my lust
I can kill 'cause in God I trust, yeah
It's evolution, baby

I'm at piece, I’m the man
Buying stocks on the day of the crash
On the loose, I'm a truck
All the rolling hills, I’ll flatten’ em out, yeah
It's herd behavior, uh huh
It's evolution, baby

Admire me, admire my home
Admire my song, here's my coat
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
This land is mine, this land is free
I'll do what I want but irresponsibly
It's evolution, baby

I'm a thief, I'm a liar
There's my church, I sing in the choir:
(hallelujah… hallelujah…)

Admire me, admire my home
Admire my song, admire my clothes
'Cause we know, appetite for a nightly feast
Those ignorant Indians got nothin' on me
Nothin', why?
Because, it's evolution, baby!

I am ahead, I am advanced
I am the first mammal to make plans, yeah
I crawled the earth, but now I'm higher
Twenty-ten, watch it go to fire
It's evolution, baby (2X)
Do the evolution
Come on, come on, come on
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Angelina [Jan. 27th, 2005|06:44 pm]

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FUCK. [Jan. 26th, 2005|07:15 pm]
[measure of hurt |crushedbroken hearted]
[soundtracks for pain |tribal drums]

Boys don't cry
Boys don Try

i prayer of lost innocence
heart break
and apathy
i weave i dream and with no sense of clarity
break into his house and steal all his laundry
we were once soul-mates in some twisted juvinile fantasy
Lillith and Kali enscircle me
protect from thinking that i was yr grrrl.
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The Sweetest perfection [Jan. 25th, 2005|09:33 pm]
[measure of hurt |anxiousdreadfull]
[soundtracks for pain |tourniquet-marilyn manson]

The sweetest perfection
To call my own
The slightest correction
Couldn’t finely hone
The sweetest infection
Of body and mind
Sweetest injection
Of any kind
I stop and I stare too much
Afraid that I care too much
And I hardly dare to touch
For fear that the spell may be broken
When I need a drug in me
And it brings out the thug in me
Feel something tugging me
Then I want the real thing not tokens
The sweetest perfection
To call my own
The slightest correction
Couldn’t finely hone
The sweetest infection
Of body and mind
Sweetest injection
Of any kind
Things you’d expect to be
Having effect on me
Pass undetectedly
But everyone knows what has got me
Takes me completely
Touches so sweetly
Reaches so deeply
I know that nothing can stop me
Sweetest perfection
An offer was made
An assorted collection
But I wouldn’t trade
The sweetest perfection
To call my own
The slightest correction
Couldn’t finely hone
The sweetest infection
Of body and mind
Sweetest injection
Of any kind
Takes me completely
Touches so sweetly
Reaches so deeply
Nothing can stop me.
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pointed pain [Jan. 24th, 2005|10:02 pm]
[measure of hurt |soresullen girl]
[soundtracks for pain |fiona apple-sullen girl]

my lost love was a clairvoyant
grew sick of my "histrionics"
grew sick of my episodes
but i can still dream of her
but fall into childhood nostalgia trips
oh grrrl where have you gone?
grrrl godess on the run
you promised me you would return
but yr disafection burns
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